Alice in Wonderland, Part 6: Who Stole the Tarts?

Alice and the Gryphon reached the court out of breath, only to find it already packed. On their thrones sat the King and Queen of Hearts, and around them pressed every sort of small bird and beast, along with the entire pack of cards. Facing them stood the Knave of Hearts, in chains and guarded by two soldiers. On a table in the middle of the room lay a large dish of tarts, so tempting that Alice's mouth began to water at once. She secretly hoped the trial would not take long, so that the refreshments could be passed around.

Although she had never set foot in a court, Alice had read enough books to recognize almost everything in it, which pleased her a good deal. The King had to be the judge, she reasoned, since he had put his crown on top of a wig, and the result looked far from comfortable. The twelve creatures scribbling away on slates in the box had to be the jury. One of them, a lizard called Bill, had a pencil that squeaked so horribly that Alice slipped round behind him and took it. Poor Bill spent the rest of the trial writing with his finger, which left no mark on his slate at all.

When the King gave the order, the White Rabbit sounded his trumpet three times, unrolled a parchment scroll and read out the accusation:

"The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite away!"

The first witness to be called was the Hatter. He arrived holding a teacup in one hand and a slice of bread and butter in the other. He begged the court's pardon: he had not quite finished his tea when they came for him. When the King asked when he had started it, he thought it had been the fourteenth of March. The March Hare said the fifteenth, and the Dormouse the sixteenth. The jury eagerly noted down all three dates, added them together and converted the total into shillings and pence. Under the King's questions, the Hatter became so flustered that he took a large bite out of his teacup rather than his bread and butter. Not a word of his evidence concerned the tarts.

Around this time, Alice noticed a strange feeling coming over her: she was starting to grow again. The Dormouse, who was squashed in next to her, grumbled that she was squeezing him flat, and Alice told him she could not help it. The second witness, the Duchess's cook, proved even less useful than the Hatter. When asked what tarts were made of, she said, "Pepper, mostly," and in the uproar that followed a squeak from the Dormouse, she simply vanished.

"Never mind!" said the King, clearly glad to be rid of her. As he ran his finger down the list, Alice kept her eyes on the White Rabbit, curious to know who would be called next. So she could hardly believe her ears when the Rabbit, in the shrillest voice he could manage, read out the name "Alice!"